Friday, September 04, 2009

Some letters

Dear Jillian,

I just did level 3 of your 30-Day Shred. I have been fairly faithful in doing it mostly every day for 28 days, except a couple times last week when my baby was up 4 or 10 times in the night, teething you know, and it was all I could do to walk in a straight line and doing pendulum lunges with a hammer curl might have resulted in serious bodily injury or property damage. Now, a little after the warm-up, you said that I would probably have a little bit of a six-pack by now. This, in my case, is wildly false. Maybe you should say, "If you've never had children, you will probably have a six-pack by now." That's a more accurate statement. But, if I never had children, I probably wouldn't need your sadistic 30-Day Shred either.

A mother of two

Dear Fall,

I hear tales that you are starting to show up everywhere else in the world. There are signs that you should be here too, like the gigantic display of clementines at Costco. And yet, you are not here. I understand you are making your best effort by reducing the temperature from 103˚ to 97˚, but maybe you could work a little harder. I'm not asking much, I just want to be outside at 10 AM and not have sweat pouring off my face.

Sweaty in Arizona


Clint and Gillian said...

my sentiments exactly about the fall thing...its STILL in the 100's in SLO and Atascadero. What are they thinking?!

Emily said...

Yes, and yes!

Rileigh said...


Caitlin said...

OK- I write letters to people all the time in my head! Like, I could start a blog, there are so many of them.

Dear Hobby Lobby (jealous you don't have one?),
I felt a little bit disturbed as I walked through your aisles of Christmas ornaments, pre-lit trees, and one of your many crafty Santas. It's August. You do know that right?

Dear Person who stole my sprinkler,
That was a rude and mean thing to do. We just got that sprinkler! Go buy your own! Or, if you are poorer than me, stand and water your lawn with the hose like everyone else who can't afford a sprinkler! Jerk.

Dear Person Who Stole My Sprinkler,
I found the sprinkler you stole in my backyard. Sorry about that whole outburst thing I just did.


Bridget said...

This isn't related to this post but I keep meaning to comment on all your past ones. Especially the one about not getting a job because you don't have experience. Ridiculous. And I totally agree.

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