To my new neighbors

Dear Neighbors,

I know you just moved in, and I want us to be friends, but there are a few things you should know about us.

1. We sort of hate small yapper-type dogs, of which you have three. That's fine for you, but when you let them out to yap for 30 minutes at 5 am, it's a little bit much.
2. We have a shotgun in our room, there is a clear view from our room into your backyard, and my husband is a very good shot.
3. I have a reputation for being a little bit irrational when I am woken up at irrational times.
4. My husband is pretty suggestible when he is woken up at irrational times. Anything to make the noise stop, if you catch my meaning.

I'm just trying to be up front about this, and I hope you still feel comfortable borrowing eggs from us.

Sincerely,
Your neighbors