Saturday, June 13, 2009

Waxing Philosophic

Lillian takes her vacuuming very seriously. And, true to form, she's not wearing pants.

My insanity's been coming on for a while now. It first started getting bad when Lillian went through her Cars phase. I've watched that film maybe 600 times, and around viewing 250, I started to be concerned for the cars' souls. Do they have souls? Who made the cars? What if you crash and no one repairs you? Where do the cars go when the die? Is it possible to never die? What if you are made a race car and decide you don't want to be a race car, can you get refitted? Who attaches the cameras to the outside of the cars? How does Mac hook up his trailer? If Lightening and Sally fall in love, how would they... you know... make little cars?

I wondered about these and hundreds of other questions during the subsequent 350 viewings. Tyler, somehow, is not interested in discussing these conundrums. "It's just a movie," he says. "It's not real." Oh, but it is. It is.

Now it's happening with Sleeping Beauty. We got it from the library last week and have watched it every day since, so... 12 times. First of all, I severely dislike Flora; she's a jerk. For example, when she's making Aurora's dress and it's hideous and Merryweather says "it's looks awful," Flora responds, "that's because it's on you, dear." I would have punched her if I was there.

After I got over my fit of pique, I realized that it wouldn't have mattered whether or not the fairies screwed everything up with their fight over what color the dress should be (and thus alerting Maleficent to Aurora's location), because the King and Queen planned a huge party for 1 minute after sunset and invited the whole kingdom. Any Mistress of All Evil worth her salt would probably figure out that Aurora would be in the castle, and thus be able to lure her away to accomplish her nefarious plan.

Also, the faries put everyone to sleep in lieu of telling them that Aurora is asleep. What kind of plan is this, and what is it teaching our children? Obviously it didn't affect the people in the country. What if some peasant or someone from a neighboring kingdom wanted to visit his relations and thought everyone was dead? Or began looting?

I need professional help.


Natchel said...

This has to be my favorite post of your to date. I wonder those kinds of questions too like how did they get Babe to memorize all those lines and how did the maker of Milo and Otis get the animals to act out the script and how do merpeople make merbabies and how does Lumiere not burn his wood/feather mistress when he holds her?

Bridget said...

The part about Cars that gets me is when he's talking about the decline of the old highways and I think you can see little people in the cars...can't you? Anyway, I remember being confused about who was doing the sight-seeing, exactly.

Very astute observations.

Emily said...

I realized my own brain was turning to mush when I started wondering why the man in the yellow hat doesn't marry Professor Wiseman instead of pouring his love into a monkey-is she too into her career, does he have commitment issues? It's just gotten worse since then. My thing with CARS is-where do they get the money-for anything?

Amanda said...

Natchel: I've also thought about the merpeople making merbabies but I had never even considered Lumiere and his feather duster mistress before.

Emily: I don't think the Man in the Yellow Hat have commitment issues, I mean, he's committed to taking care of George, whom I would have given to the zoo years ago. I think he's just been taking care of George for too long and his brain has melted out his ears as well.

Tyler said...

I think that the biggest mystery is why Handy Manny hasn't ever made his move with Kelly. The attraction between the two is as thick as pea soup. He always goes to Kelly's and never leaves with what he really needs.

Shawna said...

I love it. I don't have any earth-shattering questions about animated characters to add, but this is just so entertaining. My friends without kids would NEVER get this post.

krissiecook said...

Don't get me started on Kermit and Miss Piggy.

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