I decided to take all 4 kids to Target to do Lillian's back-to-school shopping and get a few miscellaneous items like light bulbs and C batteries. I fed all the kids; they all went to the bathroom; I fed the baby; I changed her diaper; I had a water bottle (a must for Arizona); I had extra diapers, wipes, and an extra onesie; I had emergency granola bars; I made a list and I stuck a pen in my hair so Lillian could check off the items and (hopefully) not bother her siblings. Target is about 20 minutes away, so if Evie has to eat every 2 hours, we have a little over an hour to get this all done and get back home before I have to feed her. I would be like the Delta Strike Force. In and out. No messing around. I expected it to go very poorly.
The actual shopping went as good as could be expected: of course Lillian took freaking forever to pick out a present for her friend's birthday and Ethan announced he had to go poo when we were on the exact opposite side of the store. I don't know what his deal is, but he takes like 20 minutes to do his business and announces multiple times that he's finished, but then quickly recants. "I'm done!" I open the door. "I'm not done! Go away!" Repeat at least 4 times. The girls were less than thrilled to be stuck in the bathroom for 20 minutes and told me so. A few times.
You know how you can feel when it starts falling apart? Evie started screaming when I was looking for the light bulbs. Ethan was climbing like the uncoordinated monkey he is, winning me disapproving tuts from passersby. Nora ran off to look at the headbands. Lillian was unsuccessfully trying to mother the other two kids and it was giving her anxiety and making her freak out, plus the other kids don't like being mothered by her so they were freaking out.
We got to the checkout and I was mentally stabbing the man who ran to shimmy his way in front of me in line while bouncing the screaming Evie (a-RAH a-RAH a-RAH) and yelling at Ethan to get down for heaven's sake. I threw our items on the conveyor and the checker, sensing the urgency of the situation, began scanning like a madman. I reached into my purse to get my wallet and found only extra diapers, wipes, and the extra onesie. No wallet.
Then I remembered I had taken it out to get the number for the credit card customer service and put it on the table.
I maybe screamed a little.