Almost Thou Convincest Me To Give Up Wheat

I was chatting with a friend the other day, and she told me about how she has all these food allergies that went undiagnosed until she was 30.  How did that happen?  A few doctors suggested that she had food allergies but she didn't believe them because food allergies meant that you got hives or went anaphylactic... right?  Then she started having problems with her gums and her dentist asked her if she'd ever been tested, so she decided to get it done, and turns out, she's allergic to wheat, eggs, corn, soy, dairy, bananas, and apples among other things.

"What symptoms did you have that you weren't sure you were allergic to pretty much everything?!"

*Tired all the time (I'M tired all the time)

*Stomach hurt a little all the time, but not that bad (MY stomach hurts a lot at random times)

*Sensitive skin and always had a rash (I do not always have a rash, but I do have really itchy skin)

*Gum problems (I do not have gum problems, but I do get big ugly canker sores inside my mouth that appear at seemingly random times)

She went on an elimination diet and suddenly felt about a million times better and had so much more energy, no more stomach pain, could fly, etc.

I told her that I had these things, and she said it sounded like I had a wheat allergy.  Bah! I say.  I don't go in for all those pseudoscience food fads!

She shrugged her shoulders and said that there'd be no harm in trying it and that I might feel better.  "Pfffft, you can have my pizza when you pull it from my cold dead hands," I said to myself because that would have been rude to say out loud.

Then I talked to my sister and she told me all about how her husband's doctor put him on a grain-free, dairy-free, fun-free diet along with enough vitamins to justify buying a pill case to lower his cholesterol.  And now he's lost a bunch of weight, feels better, can fly, etc.

Maybe there was something to this?  I decided to give up wheat for a week, and maybe I'd feel better, and if I didn't, I'd know that I don't have a mild wheat allergy.

I started on Wednesday and I felt the same until yesterday afternoon when I hit a wall.  I was so tired, I worked for about an hour to get everyone to take a nap at the same time so I could lay down, and then the baby woke up and I cried.  My eyes were droopy at dinner and I went to bed at about 7:30.

Not the miracle cure I was hoping for.

GoPro fail

My friend John makes promotional videos.  He'll really good (see representative sample here).  He uses a GoPro camera mounted to a little helicopter to get the overhead shots.

Looks real nice, right?

My children have destroyed our small point and shoot.  Like, the casing fell off but it still worked, and then the shutter was stuck open, but it still kinda worked.  And then it wouldn't turn off, but if you took out the battery when you weren't using it, it still kinda worked.

Tyler and I decided to hike Mt. Wrightson a few weekends back, and as I was afraid I'd drop our nice camera off the side of the mountain, plus it's heavy, we decided to borrow John's GoPro.

I'm not sure what went wrong, but these are some of the better shots.

This is a herd of wild turkeys, obviously.

 Because it takes like 6 hours to do the hike, it was either take the baby or lug a pump.  I almost wish we had taken the pump because 1. I think it would have been lighter, 2. The baby was freaked out about the fact that it was VERY COLD up on the mountain and refused to nurse, and 3. I wouldn't have worried about the pump getting frostbite.

I think this is me... maybe its' Tyler.  There is only one button on the GoPro, so I'm not sure how we could have screwed it up, but here it is.  Unfortunately, the camera died before we could take a picture from the summit.  It looked like this:

image from summitpost.org

Target FAIL

I decided to take all 4 kids to Target to do Lillian's back-to-school shopping and get a few miscellaneous items like light bulbs and C batteries.  I fed all the kids; they all went to the bathroom; I fed the baby; I changed her diaper; I had a water bottle (a must for Arizona); I had extra diapers, wipes, and an extra onesie; I had emergency granola bars; I made a list and I stuck a pen in my hair so Lillian could check off the items and (hopefully) not bother her siblings.  Target is about 20 minutes away, so if Evie has to eat every 2 hours, we have a little over an hour to get this all done and get back home before I have to feed her.  I would be like the Delta Strike Force.  In and out.  No messing around.  I expected it to go very poorly.

The actual shopping went as good as could be expected: of course Lillian took freaking forever to pick out a present for her friend's birthday and Ethan announced he had to go poo when we were on the exact opposite side of the store.  I don't know what his deal is, but he takes like 20 minutes to do his business and announces multiple times that he's finished, but then quickly recants.  "I'm done!" I open the door.  "I'm not done! Go away!" Repeat at least 4 times.  The girls were less than thrilled to be stuck in the bathroom for 20 minutes and told me so.  A few times.

You know how you can feel when it starts falling apart?  Evie started screaming when I was looking for the light bulbs.  Ethan was climbing like the uncoordinated monkey he is, winning me disapproving tuts from passersby.  Nora ran off to look at the headbands.  Lillian was unsuccessfully trying to mother the other two kids and it was giving her anxiety and making her freak out, plus the other kids don't like being mothered by her so they were freaking out.

We got to the checkout and I was mentally stabbing the man who ran to shimmy his way in front of me in line while bouncing the screaming Evie (a-RAH a-RAH a-RAH) and yelling at Ethan to get down for heaven's sake.  I threw our items on the conveyor and the checker, sensing the urgency of the situation, began scanning like a madman.  I reached into my purse to get my wallet and found only extra diapers, wipes, and the extra onesie.  No wallet.

Then I remembered I had taken it out to get the number for the credit card customer service and put it on the table.

I maybe screamed a little.

Camping at Lake Patagonia

I want to think of our family as One that Camps and Hikes.  After this weekend, I'm not sure that this is to be.  A few days ago, I was seized by anxiety about the impending summer and decided that if we were going to go camping anytime this year, right now- this weekend, in fact, was when it was going to happen.

Driving home this afternoon, I felt like a failure.  I had planned and executed this trip due to the fact that Tyler has had to work late pretty much every day this week.  I forgot a few items when I was packing: all toiletries except a brush and rubber bands (toothbrushes, toothpaste, contact solution and cases), tongs to turn the hot dogs, and I didn't get enough wood to have an evening AND morning fire.  This is not where the failure comes in.

 No, the failure comes in when you consider that the children were AWFUL the entire time.  They cried and whined about e v e r y t h i n g.  Lillian and Nora shared a sleeping bag that we opened up and folded like a hamburger, something we've done on other camping trips, this time it was unacceptable to both parties.  I brought the bear jammies for Ethan when he wanted the rocketship ones.  And, (this has been a growing trend around our house) they complained that they couldn't eat constantly.  I only brought so much food, the rations were not meager, but the lack of choices was devastating and could not be recovered from.

The lake was too cold to swim in, the boat tours were pricey, and Tyler has a semi-unexplained hatred of paddle boats, so we decided to take a hike.  This was a bad decision.  The kids were OK for about... half a mile... of our planned 2.5-mile hike.  It was too hot (approx high 70's), too sunny, not enough food, not enough of the food they want to eat, too much walking, not enough scenery, and I LOST ONE OF NORA'S SPECIAL ROCKS.

Side note: did you know that Nora loves rocks?  She always has at least one on her person, a special collection stowed away in her closet that she takes out and admires frequently, and I am constantly reminding her to take them out of her mouth.  At least once a day, I make her spit one out.

This picture was shot at the turn-around spot by the creek... right before Ethan wet his pants (something he hasn't done in a long time) and proceeded to cry the rest of the way back out of embarrassment and anger that I hadn't thought to bring him extra pants.

Tyler ranked the hike as a FAIL but the kids really liked the fire, so it was a net gain.  Lillian asked me when we'd go camping again, and I told her when she turned 10... in 3 years.

Things are... not going well

It started with Tyler being sick, and culminated in me trying to figure out how to load Tyler's gun last night at 3 a.m.  There were a few Motherhood Feats of Strength and a few more Low Points all adding up to the fact that this week has been really awful so far.

Saturday night: Tyler started complaining that he didn't feel well.  I put the kids to bed myself, which might not be a big deal to the rest of you, but I'm pregnant and tired and my body wants to quit at 7.  Not just quit, but like, shut down.  I don't handle all the whining and last-minute attempts at negotiations well at all.  There is kind of a lot of yelling and usually someone ends up crying.

Sunday: Tyler started shaking violently when he attempted to change into his church clothes.  His skin was burning up, so I told him to stay home in bed and I would take the kids to church.  Ethan got to stay home and watch The Incredibles because if you stay home sick from church, you have to keep the baby with you according to the rule I adopted from another couple in our ward.

I came home from church to find Tyler on the couch with MY barf bowl next to him.  Tyler never throws up, so I knew he was really sick.  The rest of the day was spent trying to keep the children away from him and put the kids to bed by myself, again. 

Sunday night: Ethan woke up crying hard.  This is unusual so I went into his room.  As soon as I picked him up, he vomited all over me.  It was in my hair and was running down my back.  I might mention at this time that I'm super sensitive to smells.  I may or may not say this several times a day.  I have found that spraying my entire house with Febreeze is not enough, so I started spraying a hand towel and wrapping it around my neck.  Also, I could smell Nora's hair (which smelled like shampoo) from across the room, so I may or may not have sprayed her head.  Anyway, there I was with a screaming child, puke all over both of us and also, he's not breathing.  Croup.  I forgot to mention that part.

I got him downstairs and gave him some steroids and some Tylenol much to his dismay (the kids complain that the steroids sting in their mouth and that the Tylenol is gross.  I can't wait until they are old enough to swallow pills) and set about cleaning him up.  Also, I'm still covered in vomit.  He vomited all over his blankie, which was unfortunate because blankie is an essential sleeping item.  ESSENTIAL.  I changed his sheets and rinsed out the vomity parts of blankie and put him back in bed with a wet blanket.  He was not happy about this.  By this time, his breathing was better, but not great so I sat up in his room to make sure that the steroids kicked in and that he didn't vomit again and then asphyxiate.  He started talking in his sleep in a crazy demon voice.  Eventually, he calmed down and went to sleep and I went and got in the shower at 2 a.m.  My body took the cue that now was the time to be awake, what with the shower and all, and I didn't fall asleep until 4.

Monday: Ethan had a fever but mercifully did not throw up again.  He is normally a regular awful awful two-year old, but when he's sick, it's 10 times worse.  Also, Tyler was still really sick and could not participate in any parenting activities.  Ethan was demanding and cried and screamed at the drop of a hat.  And then the Tylenol kicks in and they drive you crazy because they suddenly have all this energy and want to go someplace and play but you can't leave because you know he's really sick.  ALSO, I ran out of zofran on this day, so instead of just feeling like I was going to throw up, I was actually throwing up all day long.

By the time I got everything in order to where I felt well enough to leave the house to go fill my prescription and Ethan and Tyler's needs were attended to, Nora woke up with the croup and a fever and I had to fight her to get her to take her medicine and then she just wanted me to hold her.  Then I had to make dinner.

Then I put the kids to bed by myself, again.  I could not fill my prescription as I was done for the day.

Tuesday: Tyler was feeling better, so he LEFT to go on a 3-day business trip.  Ethan was still sick, Nora was still sick.  I managed to get my zofran and a new prescription for phenergan filled.  Activities this day include more crying, more managing fevers and catering to bossy 2-year old.  Nora didn't go to preschool so we were just home.  All. Day. Long.

Tuesday night: I didn't sleep well, I can't remember why.

Wednesday: Ethan woke me up at 5:30 by screaming in my face and asking if he could watch TV.  Love that kid!  I decided we needed to get out of the house so we set off for a walk around the lake.  Nora decided that she wanted to ride her bike.  We got 3 houses down before she freaked out.  She couldn't ride anymore. She wanted me to push her on her bike the whole way around the lake.  No. I'm not doing that.  I told her she could get off and walk or she could start riding.  She screamed for a good 20 minutes.  She eventually decided to walk, but then cried and had several melt-downs on our .33 mile walk.  After we got back, I threw up so I decided to try a phenergan.  The doctor gave me a low dose, so I thought it might not make me sleepy.  I loaded up the kids and headed to the library for story time.  I nearly fell asleep while driving home.  I forced the children into bed and then crashed on the couch.  At some point Lillian came home and proceeded to be VERY NOISY.  I did not use nice words when I told her several times to stop talking to me and be quiet.  I was so very tired.  I was finally able to get off the couch around 4 and then had to do our usual long-haul homework.  We had grilled cheese for dinner.

Wednesday night: I forced the kids into bed at 7.  No stories.  No scriptures.  I was still really tired and I climbed into bed fully clothed at 7:05 and slept until around 10.  I got up and watched way too many episodes of 30 Rock. I went to bed around 1:30 and as I was quieting down to go to sleep, I heard a noise downstairs.  I shrugged it off as a normal house noise and tried to fall asleep.  Then I heard another, then another, then I heard a shuffling sound.  I turned on the light and the noises stopped.  I started freaking out.  I told myself I was being paranoid and I just needed to go to bed, so I turned off the light and I SWEAR I heard the back door open.  I locked the door to my bedroom and got out Tyler's gun (which is where I spent 4 heart-pounding minutes trying to figure out how to load it) and put it under his pillow next to me.  I tried to talk myself out of a home invasion because seriously, who would break into my house when my next-door neighbor is obviously much wealthier than me?  Also, why not wait until we leave in the day?  Why break in 20 minutes after I turn off the lights?  I kept hearing noises so I finally called to police.  They came in about 3 minutes and walked all around and checked all the closets.  I was all hopped up on adrenaline so I didn't fall asleep until 3 or 3:30.  

Thursday morning: Lillian has had a sort of low-grade cough this whole time, and on Wednesday claimed she couldn't go to school.  The cough didn't sound that bad, so I told her she needed to go and that she could tell her teacher if the cough became worse and I would come get her.  She came into my room at 6 and coughed all over me to prove that her cough was worse and that she couldn't go to school today.  She has proceeded to fight with her siblings and be super annoying.  Tyler gets home late tonight and then I go to work tomorrow.

My only saving grace has been that I have just been normal pregnant sick this week: no fever, cough, or body ache in sight.  It's a small consolation, but I'll take it.

I wanted to go outside

Bat boxes

Every year as winter starts coming to a close, I start freaking out; summer is coming.  Summer is a time when we avoid the outside as much as possible.  A time when I grow weary of applying sunscreen and the smell of the pool.  A time when I just tell myself that I'm going to be sweaty for the next six months so I should just get used to it.

This year, the freak out is possibly more potent considering I've spent the last two months on the couch watching every episode of lots of shows.  All that time that we could have spent enjoying the glorious Arizona winter and the not-so glorious Arizona wilderness!  (It's very pokey.)

I made the decision that we'd go on a hike on Saturday, a decision that I knew was doomed to fail, but I wanted to try anyway.  The preparations took FOREVER because the children, I suspect, have formed a cabal to wage war against brushing teeth and putting on shoes.  Also, it had rained pretty hard in the early morning but looked like it was clearing up.  Maybe. Just in case, I decided we all needed rain-proof jackets.  This meant several minutes spent looking through boxes to find a slicky jacket with a hood that would fit Ethan.  "I get to wear PINK, just like Lillian!"

Before we even got on the freeway, it started pouring rain.  Like, monsoon-level downpour.  "Maybe it won't be raining over by the mountains," I offered.  Tyler knows better than to rain (haha) on my parade so he offered a quiet, "maybe."

Not only was it still pouring when we got to the mountain, but the website provided inaccurate directions (that's what I'm going with) so we couldn't find the trail head.  It looked sunny across the valley where Madera Canyon is, so we asked the kids if they wanted to find a different mountain, or if they wanted to go to the children's museum.  They all wanted a different mountain so we headed off across the valley.  It was a miracle; it rained and rained and rained our whole drive, and then cleared up a mile or so away from the canyon.  We were able to have a lovely hike and we didn't get rained on one time!

Parenting FAIL

Lillian's artwork from yesterday

So, I don't think that time when Lillian walked in when I was watching Sherlock scarred her at all, do you?