Helpers

Nora can crawl, did you know? Here she is desperately trying to help me sort some coins.


Lillian likes to help me work out. Here we are doing sumo hops.

And pike crunches. Notice I'm cheating and bending my knees.

And here's mountain climbers. Jillian often says "I want you to feel like you're going to die." These do make me feel like that... mission accomplished, Jillian.

Some letters

Dear Jillian,

I just did level 3 of your 30-Day Shred. I have been fairly faithful in doing it mostly every day for 28 days, except a couple times last week when my baby was up 4 or 10 times in the night, teething you know, and it was all I could do to walk in a straight line and doing pendulum lunges with a hammer curl might have resulted in serious bodily injury or property damage. Now, a little after the warm-up, you said that I would probably have a little bit of a six-pack by now. This, in my case, is wildly false. Maybe you should say, "If you've never had children, you will probably have a six-pack by now." That's a more accurate statement. But, if I never had children, I probably wouldn't need your sadistic 30-Day Shred either.

Sincerely,
A mother of two



Dear Fall,

I hear tales that you are starting to show up everywhere else in the world. There are signs that you should be here too, like the gigantic display of clementines at Costco. And yet, you are not here. I understand you are making your best effort by reducing the temperature from 103˚ to 97˚, but maybe you could work a little harder. I'm not asking much, I just want to be outside at 10 AM and not have sweat pouring off my face.

Thanks,
Sweaty in Arizona

I've known this for a long time

Last weeks TIME magazine cover story was called Why Exercise Won't Make You Thin. The article has three main points.

1. Exercise makes you hungry so you eat more than you normally would (and often more calories than you just burned).
2. Exercise makes you think you are entitled to treats. "I deserve this doughnut, I went to the gym this morning."
   
3. Exercise makes you tired so you are less likely to move when you get home from the gym (as in less likely to take the stairs, go to the grocery store to shop for dinner, vacuum, rake the leaves, etc).

This information comes at a very interesting time in my life- day 14 of the 30-day shred. Pounds lost so far: zero. I'm five pounds shy of my pre-pregnancy weight and I was hoping Jillian could get me there. But, after reading this article, I realize why she's not. I am hungrier, so I often have seconds of dinner. I do think I deserve some cookies. And, I do move less because I can't go up the stairs anymore because I moved up to Level Two and my hammies are constantly on fire.

I've actually known about this for a long time. Back when I swam on swim team, I never lost any weight, despite the fact that I swam for two hours a day. Swimming for two hours every day burns a lot of calories and I was always starving when I got home so I ate... a lot. Then, when swim season was over, I would gain a few pounds because I was in the habit of eating when I got home from school and I had to train myself to remember that I didn't just burn 5,000 calories.

I'm not going to quit the 30-day Shred because I'm no quitter. But, I am going to give up on my expectations that it's going to help me lose that last 5 lbs... and probably try to cut back on my cookies consumption. But, not too much, because I deserve those cookies. Don't I?

Shower Updates

As ever mother knows, as soon as your children can walk and talk, shower time is no longer sacred. Also, it has to be all business. There's no soaking or opening up of the pores. It's straight in, shampoo, conditioner, body wash (if you're lucky- sometimes, my sister pointed this out to me, I just use the shampoo as I'm rinsing it out to wash the rest of me) and you're done.

Lillian likes to come give me updates on the general goings-on of the house. Here's today's updates:

1. Mom, Nora's awake. (I only put her down 30 minutes ago) Did you help her wake up? No, she did it on her own. (I don't believe that for one minute)
   
2. Mom, Nora's crying.
3. Mom, Nora has poop. In her diaper? No, in her crib. (Great)
   
4. Mom, I had an accident. Well, it was just a little accident (accigent, as she says). Did you make a mess? No, I put my panties in the toilet. That's nice.

This all in about 15 minutes.

Yesterday, I was thinking about how people my age are starting to get divorced and how sad that is. (Seriously, a couple we were in the singles' ward with who got married literally the day before me and Tyler got divorced.)

Me: Let's never get divorced, OK? We'll just stay married forever. I mean, I want our kids to have it normal.

Tyler: OK, but I think "normal" is to have divorced parents.

Me: OK, then. I want our kids to have it bizarre.

Tyler: With you as their mother, they'll have no choice.

Do you see what I have to put up with? And, with mornings like this one, how could any person stay sane?

The reason I had to take a shower is because I did day 7 of the 30-Day Shred. We went to The Wal-Mart to buy hand weights because I have heretofore been using cans of green beans. In the hand weight aisle, while Tyler and Lillian tried out the family pack of boxing gloves (what a brilliant idea) I tried out all the moves of the Shred with the 3 lb weights, and then the 5 lb weights. The 3 pounders were pretty easy, and I could tell that I wouldn't be able to do the whole thing with 5 lbs. Tyler convinced me to get the weights I wish I could do, instead of what I knew I could do easily.

Turns out: no. I can't do the whole thing with 5 lbs. And, I can no longer pick up Nora. Sorry kid.

It's not so much a laugh...

I was outside with Lillian, playing with sidewalk chalk when Tyler poked his head out and told me that he found Nora a new best friend.


Besides Nora's non-ladylike chuckle-laugh, I have two other exciting pieces of news:

1. Allison sent me The 30-Day Shred. As Lillian was asleep and Nora was on auto-pilot, I decided to do it right when I got it. Aaaaand, I'm not going to be able to walk tomorrow. But, don't worry, Jillian already made me feel lame about it by telling me the 400 lb people could do more jumping jacks than I can. Allison got a copy for herself (for our birthdays: "Happy birthday, here's a kick in the pants") so she's doing it too. I think she's on day 3 now, so I can't quit. I will keep you posted.

2. This next bit of news concerns Lillian, and it is the most exciting thing that's happened to me (concerning her) since she was born: she is starting preschool tomorrow.

I feel giddy just typing it.

It happened like this: I have been thinking about looking into preschool since Lillian turned 3 a couple weeks ago. In a conversation with the above named sister, she informed me that I could expect to pay $100 per month per number of days per week Lillian attends, as in $100 for 1 day/week, $200 for 2 days/week, and so on. If I had a spare $200 lying around each month, I wouldn't be suffering so much for lack of Jamba Juices. So, I decided to talk to the ladies at church to see if they wanted to do a co-op preschool. I'm in the social dungeon that is primary, so I snuck out and went to Relief Society, made an announcement, and left my number. After church, a woman approached me and said they had a co-op going and they were looking for a 6th member and they start this week!

Two days a week from 9-11:30. I am beyond excited about this.